Sports Car Driven

Nothing speaks to men or lesbians like fast cars and hot women.

The marriage of the two results in one of the most powerful combinations in nature, arguably stronger than the bonds of mullets to 1980’s Camaro owners (VERY STRONG).

In my search to find pictures to post, I humbly searched for hours on end for several days…over the past 5 years. Ironically, the most abundant source of images was “girl with Mustang.” If you’re board I suggest you try this search on Yahoo. Turn the safe search feature off.

My personal favorite is the pictures where you know some dude just asked his girlfriend,

“Hey Honey, do you think you could put on some skimpy clothes and go lay on the hood of the car?”

“Aw come’on, it’s not that cold out…”

“No, it’s not a dumb idea…”

“No, you don’t have cottage cheese…(yet)”

“Why would I lie?”

“No Honey, you know I love you more than the car”

“That’s ridiculous…”

“Baby, please, you know I’d do it for you…”

“We can go to Red Lobster tonight….”

“Great. I love you too babe. I’ll get the keys and my jacket….(cause it looks damn cold out).”

There are actually 4 kinds of pictures of cars and women.

1) The wives/girlfriends, which we just saw. Attractive women, coerced through promises into posing with a car (usually a Mustang) that they may or may not care about at all, in a remote location, regardless of weather conditions. The real-world, un-paid amateur approach is very appealing and popular.

2) Car Models, a.k.a. “Booth Babes”: These women are usually paid models at car shows. They essentially sell their good looks to get the cars more attention. This is commonly referred to as “good marketing.”

Good Marketing here.

Excellent Marketing Skills

Good Marketing x2

3) The Smoking Hot Girl: These are the women that are amazingly hot, yet unpaid, that still get photographed with cars. This is a hybrid of the first two categories that is rarely seen in nature, but somehow remarkably well documented on-line.

*personal favorite. Simply ridiculous. I’m mean, seriously. This is ridiculous.

4) The Holy Grail. The Women of Formula 1. They don’t necessarily have to be posing with a car. Just the fact that they exist because of a car, is good enough to have them in this blog. Exotic, mysterious and hot. Like the flux capacitor they are the secret source of Formula 1’s world-wide popularity.

Hopefully I’ve made your day a little brighter and informed you about a world you didn’t fully realize. To continue your education you can check out these sites that I came across:

http://www.bikinicarbabes.com/

http://www.autoexploration.com/

Drop a comment if this was worth your time.

There are cars that enhance a driver’s physical appeal and attract women like bees to honey. For every action, there must be an opposite and equal reaction and the automobile universe is no different. If you are a single man, or single homosexual female, these are the vehicles you want to avoid.

10. Smart Car

Okay, maybe in other crowded countries this is cool, but dude, come on! I’d like to see someone roll up in Southern California and actually get someone of the opposite sex (or same if lesbian)in the car. 

9. A Volvo, any year

Good for safety means bad for cool. The newer ones are looking better, but still you’re not gonna fool anyone. The older the Volvo, the less likely your chances are. Each year in Volvo age reduces your chances exponentially.

8. A Toyota Scion

It’s like kryptonite man. It looks cool. I like it. I’d date someone with a Scion, but no one else will. It’s crazy. Name someone that has a Scion tc that can pull chicks.

7. 1991 Mitsubishi Mirage

I had one nicked-named the Silver Bullet. It was a hand-me-down. Cigarette burns in the back seat from the previous owner. No clear coat left. It would slip out of gear on the freeway. The radio only worked if you hit it. I’m sure there will be an article on it at a later date.  I saw one of these pimped out once with gold wheels and a gold luggage rack. It was like whipped cream on dog crap.  It looked pretty, but it was still crap. There were also no ladies in the car, just to back up my list.

6. Chevy Caprice

Unless you’re picking up a mermaid, this whale aint’ get’n any tale.

5. Mazda Miata

Gay, even if you’re gay yourself. It may be a great car and a sports car icon, but it has become the American symbol for a wuss car and the butt of many Adam Corolla jokes.  I think they’d actually sell more if a rainbow scheme was an optional color.

4. Geo Metro

If you can explain to someone why this car has a 3 cylinder engine, you may have a shot at pulling this off.  By the way, this car almost works because in silver it almost looks like a vibrating egg vibrator, which I’ve been told women are particularly fond of; however, it’s still a Geo and when women see the badge on the back, that tingly feeling in their knees goes to their stomach and they get nauseous.

3. Taurus Station Wagon

Laaaaaaaaaaammmeee!

2. Used Cop Car

A perfect car for a teenager, yes. Virtually indestructible, yes. Cool factor to anyone but your friends ZERO. It’s gonna smell like a kennel and have plastic upholstery and a quarter-million miles on it. Good luck.

1. Public Bus

Despite the shortcomings of all the cars on this list, they’re all better than the bus. It cracks me up to think about going to a bar and then trying to get a girl back to your place…on the bus. Maybe it’s a California thing, but it’s not. If it’s all ya got, then go for it, but you might as well part the ocean while you’re at it.

Best of luck to everyone!

Top 11 Cars to Pull Chicks

There are cars and then there are cars that hit a woman right in the baby-maker. They’re not all sports cars like you might think. Many words describe these magical machines, but here, at this G-rated site, I call them panty droppers.

Women are drawn to their power in inexplicable ways, like the way they are drawn to that guy you know, that has no job, but that has crazy mojo and even he can’t explain how he pulls so much tail…but I digress…

Some women say men buy expensive or flashy cars to compensate for their manhood. Those women are jealous, hateful skanks.

After detailed Conjoint analysis, 1^st person data collection, and thousands of dollars on data mining, the following are the top 11 vehicles women admitted the most mystical attraction to.

11. Porsche Cabriolet

This is an easy one. Anything that’s stylish and around six figures works well. The well known German marquee seals the deal.

10. McLaren SLR

Oh yeah. Gull-wing sports car. Red leather. Really long and ribbed on the sides. This one scored well with the “celebutante” demographic.

9. The Pick-up Truck

The numbers don’t lie and for some reason women just dig the truck. The bigger the better. If it’s so big that you can’t get it into a gas station, it’s about 6 inches short of cool enough. Their allure is so strong that even men are sometimes sucked in, as illustrated in this picture.

8. Lamborghini Gallardo

The car just looks like it reeks of cologne, gold chains and flashy watches. Bright colors indicative of look-at-me a-hole drivers. An excellent choice.

7. 68 Chevy Camaro

The bad boy. Mean, loud, and always emanating gasoline fumes. It says, no, I\’m not a hybrid and I couldn\’t stop with two feet on the brakes, going uphill. Hop in baby.

6. The Creeper Van

If you wanna pull chicks, this is what you need. Plenty of room. Throw a couch or a futon and a disco ball in back. Or some chloroform. You wouldn\’t think the ladies would go for this but obviously the numbers don\’t lie and the surveys came back saying that many women had memorable experiences in this type of vehicle, especially in Palmdale.

5. Bentley GT

Large, classy, fast. It says I\’m cool and you\’re not. Women swoon in the streets.

4. Ferrari 588 GTB

Beautiful GT sports car full for European racing pedigree. It even sports pictures of prancing ponies all around the car to remind attractive women of their not so distant youth (preferably 1 to 3 years ago).

3. 5.0 Mustang

Again, similar to the truck and Creeper Van, the 5.0 Mustang pulls the ladies in like a puppy sale. You don’t think so? You take a look at who’s in the passenger seat next time you pass one of these (because it won’t be passing you). Try not make eye contact with the driver if there’s a Raiders sticker on it. Actually, just don’t make eye contact with the driver at all.

2. The Oscar Mayer Mobile

Women are VERY attracted to this vehicle! Survey comments explain that the attraction is due to the bright colors, shiny wheels and the wholesome American culture it promotes. The fact that it looks like a giant 27 foot-long wang has completely nothing to do with why it showed up in the survey results.

1. Shag’n Wagon

Dude. It’s the shag’n wag’n! Chicks dig it.

You can even make one of your own. Check it out.

*Mega expensive cars or sports cars like the Enzo Ferrari and Bugatti Veyron were omitted simply because if you have enough money to buy one you can probably buy people too and it makes it impossible to analyze their panty-dropping utility.

Best car for a teenager and 10 reasons why!

A used Ford Crown Victoria police car is the way to go.   Here’s why:

• 1. Cheap, Cheap, Cheap! 1997 Crown Vic for $997
• 2. Heavy Duty Tires and Shocks - Jr. can run over a brick wall and keep motoring
• 3. Push bar - Standard. Great for helping a stranded motorist or running through a convenient store.
• 4. Spot Light -Standard. Blind anyone and everyone
• 5. Cheap to Fix - Great when you run over a wall.
• 6. Customizable finish - DIY spray paint available everywhere
• 7. Heavy Duty Gears (?)
• 8. Big Brakes - great for stopping.
• 9. A beefed up transmission cooler. The car will last forever, even if you kid doesn’t want it to!
• 10.  Durable interior that can be barfed, peed or craped on - perfect for your adolescent child, learning the novelty of malt liquor and cheap vodka!

-light bar not included-

These cars routinely go 1,000,000 miles

*Recommended Activity. Place your laptop on the passenger seat. Floor it when you hit the freeway, tailgate someone, and then pretend to type in your lap top like you’re looking something up on them. Then tailgate more with a menacing look.  Kick-ass sunglasses required.

 These are kick-ass sunglasses

*Bonus Features*

• People pull over to let you pass
• No one tailgates
• Impress your friends with E-brake turns and burn outs
• Play cops and robbers with you pals around town

Sites that sell these amazing vehicles:

http://www.used-police-cars.com/

http://www.swps.com/used-police-cars—vehicles.html

Buyer beware

Genius!  I wish I’d thought of it first :)  I snapped this outside the high school right by my house. 

It was a warm October day in 2005. The sun was out, the air was dry, and the hangover of last night’s malt liquor and Goldshlagger was wearing off.

A month earlier we had set in motion plans that would not only change the lives of those involved, but the millions and billions that would later view footage across the internet.

We had embarked on Operation Sheep Dog.

Our friend Pete had an old beat up Nissan Sentra and a new Toyota Corolla. We valued the Nissan around $600 to $900, in part due to brake problems, electrical problems and odor problems. Using the help of a lady (another reason not to trust them), we stole Pete’s Nissan.

Early in the morning we broke into two teams to procure supplies.

The clean, confiscated car showed up around noon, ready for surgery:

Using 12 tubes of liquid nails we glued the material to the car, shaping it like a fine fur coat. Several slackers watched.

The floppy ears were riveted through the roof several times and would seductively flap at freeway speeds.

The nose was half of a foam pumpkin glued to the front and painted black.

The anus was designed with pride and styled to look like a balloon’s twisty tie

The rearward visibility - Gone, like the resemblance to a Nissan Sentra

The tail laid limp at a stop but flapped happily when driving.

The testicles: Genius!

The first test drive: Slow at first because I didn’t know if anything would fly off since the glue wasn’t dry.

The owner’s reaction: Priceless

Pete told stories later that little kids would come up to him in parking lots and ask if they could pet his car.

Legend has it he picked up 7 sexy women on the way to the grocery store, just because the car was so pimp.

Like the Apollo project, or the completion of the Panama Canal, this day, which I don’t remember the exact date of, will live forever as a mystical fantasy, re-told countless times through countless generations as the day we turned our friend Pete’s car into a Sheep Dog.

Happy Birthday Pete!