HREI’ve had two flat tires in the last year, despite never having a flat tire before in my life.

Last night I was driving on Sunset Boulevard in Beverly Hills. If you’ve traveled on it, you know it’s a shitty, bumpy road. I ran over a slab of steel covering construction and “THWACK!!” 

It was like driving head on into a curb at 40 mph.  I winced, but didn’t think my car was too hurt. I knew it’s feelings were hurt though.  

3 hours later, I go to leave the underground parking lot and the bitch is pulling hard to the side.  Sure enough, my right-front is flatter than Keira Knightley.  I tried to limp to a gas station (at 10:30 at night), but couldn’t make it.  I pulled over and tried to piece together the Porsche spare-tire kit. The kit includes a bottle of sealant and an air compressor, no spare. Of course, the compressor worked for 15 seconds and then quit with no explanation. I turned the car on. I used a different cigarette lighter. Noth’n.  God damn noth’n.

On the bright side, I was broken down in Beverly Hills, so I got to see lots of nice cars go by. I saw two Bentleys, a couple AMGs, a Ferrari and a herd of Range Rovers.  Oh, and a Ford Crown Vic.

“Please AAA please come tow me.” The truck showed up and of course towing cost was $9 per mile beyond 7 miles. At 11:30 at night I couldn’t think of anything to do but tow it home, knowing I probably would need a new tire.

The drive took about half an hour and the tow-truck driver and I barely said 5 words to each other. At one point I was spacing out, just driving at night and let a fart sneak out. Then I realized I was actually in the car wth someone and felt a little bad ’cause it was stinky.

$207 dollars later, the car is at rest back home and the local Discount Tire. Today it becomes obvious that I need a new right-front, which was split down the side wall with the jarring thunk I felt. A new left front will have to go on to replace an unfortunate tire bulge that I had not noticed before and the tread on the rears is very gone, which I knew but was trying to avoid.  I’ve only had the back tires for 12,000 miles and they’re rubbed smooth. Crazy!

The dude tries to sell me “N” rated tires, which didn’t sound right. Turns out N ratings are for spare tires, suitable to 87 mph and long story short, to get 4 new wheels is $1,600.

Since I’m trying to sell the car I’m having them put the factory wheels back on the car and am going to try to sell the HRE wheels on my own.

I doubt I will ever get nice wheels again:

  • I can’t use a normal car wash because the wheels will grind on the track system

  • They get dinged all the time

  • I’ve had two flats in 12 months

  • You don’t get your money back

  • It ruins the already firm ride

The amount of stress the wheels has caused me was worth it up until now, but today, as I sit at home with no car, I’m done.

P.S. I have wheels for sale. Call me for a good price.